11. Once you start to make a turn toward the study and practice of the interior life, you would think that everything is going to feel fine.
You must realize that the path you are on is going to take you to some dark places. If your life is truly going to be immersed in God, your flaws and impurities are going to become disconcertingly apparent. In semi-darkness we can hide many aspects of sin and its damage to our lives. When God’s light moves more intensely within our hearts, our awareness of him increases, but so does our awareness of our need for purification.
This is a point at which many seekers turn back. You will be sorely tempted to excuse yourself for being broken, to pronounce yourself forgiven and to go no further on this inner journey. Self-awareness of sin is the quickest way to get someone to run in fear from what is holy. Peter showed us this when he said to Christ, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man.”
Don’t be afraid. The spiritual masters call this the “purgative” element of the journey. This is when God will work in your heart to cleanse you from sin and free you from its power. He will do this not all at once, but little by little over time, so as not to overwhelm you.
In the same way that a surgeon may heal you by cutting into your body, so will the Holy Spirit lovingly wound your heart in order to make a way for God’s greater influence over you.
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